“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”
~ Ernest Hemingway

I’ve had a rough week. I spent much of Wednesday walking around like a zombie, as if someone sucked the life right out of me. Shocked. I spent much of my morning yesterday in tears; the shock had worn off.
Why the drama? Someone that I trusted and believed in broke that trust. And while I probably should not have been so shocked by the breach of trust, I was quite surprised by my own reaction to it. I’ve pondered this for the last couple of days and I believe it’s really about expectations. I expected that when I treated this person with respect and trust that he would reciprocate. The fact is that I have no right to expect this of another person. The only person in my life that I have any control over is me. I cannot expect others to live up to some standard that I have. Sometimes people behave in ways that they have learned because they simply do not know any other way.

“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”
~ Friedrich Nietzsche 

As part of my meditation today I will practice compassion and I will remember that everything that happens in life presents an opportunity for growth and learning. I will be grateful for my lesson in this situation and know that when I temper my own expectations I will not be disappointed. I will continue to cultivate equanimity in my own mind, knowing all too well that I, too, am human, and there will be times that I hurt but through my spiritual practice perhaps I hurt a little less and not for quite so long.


7 Comments on “Trust

  1. I know exactly how you feel, and sometimes its ourselves we feel most frustrated with. We recognize that it is all our own choice, and yet sometimes the emotions just won’t listen to logic. I hope your weekend is peaceful and full of positivity!

  2. It was hard for me to realize this as well. I have not come across many close friends who have “betrayed” my trust. So the very few times it has happened in the past, it hurt deeply. But realizing that we cant control the way others behave nor expect anything from them was hard yet necessary. And the most difficult is putting that into practice if and when the scenario plays out.
    My question would be, once this happens, where do you go from there? Do you continue to trust this person? do you become distant? How to adjust with the aftermath?

    • That’s a very good question! Difficult to place your trust in someone who has betrayed it. I think we have to understand that everyone does the best that they can given their circumstances and that they have their own lessons to learn. That said, we don’t always condone the behaviors of others (as is the case with the situation I refer to above) but that doesn’t mean that I then must judge the person or that I no longer feel compassion. I will, however, protect myself and not have people in my life that bring me down in any way. Each situation is different and if we do continue to trust or be friends with someone who has betrayed us in any way we must remain aware that we have chosen to do so and not be shocked if it happens again.

      • I completely understand. Thank you for your insights. 🙂
        I’m a very forgiving person, so I dont hold grudges against anyone. But I chose to deposit trust accordingly.

  3. I like the way you retrospect on the situation. Feeling hurt has a lot to do with our expectations…
    Thank you for the insight…

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