My biological father hasn’t been in the picture since I was ten years old. Just this year I realized that I was holding on to some issues around his dropping out if my life. When he left he told me that he couldn’t see me anymore because my mother was making him pay too much money. Somehow my young brain got the idea that I wasn’t worth the $100 a month that was the child support she was getting. I wasn’t worth the money. These days that has translated into some issues with my relationship with money. Feeling like I’m never good enough for the amount I’m charging, feeling like I’m not worth my paycheque. Like I’ll be found out and it’ll all be taken away. I was doing an EFT (emotional freedom technique or tapping) course when I uncovered this little tid bit of information and now I need to work on it.
What’s so ironic though, is that I have a father who chose me. He came into my life at 15 and decided to stay in it. He’s been a great father, the best a girl could have. He’s always there for me when I need him. He loves me unconditionally. He found me worthy. Why does one mans actions trump another’s? My biological father only left me with scars. Paul brought healing to those wounds but somehow I’ve resisted being healed. I think that the best way I can honour my father, Paul, on this Father’s Day is to open up to the healing, to let the love of a father in fully and let his opinion of me far outweigh that of “biodad”.