Well, I’ve taken the plunge and moved in with my guy. It’s been 7 years since I lived with anyone, including my daughter! This may take some getting used to. I find myself wondering if I should be checking in with him to see if he’s ok with the times I book clients since I do massage from home. I find myself wondering if he’s going to have expectations of me that I’m not willing to meet. I find myself wondering if we’ll both get enough alone time. I find myself wondering if he’ll clean up after himself or do laundry or cook dinner. I find myself wondering if he’ll be there for me emotionally if my health declines further.
Obviously I wouldn’t have moved in with my guy if I thought that any of these issues were real, but I must admit I’m a little scared…ok probably more than a little. I’m a person who typically embraces change, so I don’t think it’s just a fear of change. It’s more a fear that I’ve made this commitment that implies I trust someone else to be there for me and that he can trust I’ll be there for him. I don’t know if I even know how to be there for someone. What does it look like? What does it feel like to have someone really there for me? The only people I’ve ever really relied on, if I’m to be truthful, are my parents. I lived with a man for 5 years before and never once listed him as my emergency contact. I never even asked him to drive me to the hospital when I was getting knee surgery- I asked my father. So now as I venture into this kind of commitment once again I ask myself what does it all mean and how I can I ensure that I’m being a good partner and that I’m being open enough for him to be a good partner to me.
One thing, of course, is to communicate all of the things I’m wondering about. To check in and see what his expectations are and make sure we line up and compromise where we need to. That seems like the easy part. Just say what’s on my mind as I wonder about things.
The deeper issue, I think, is to determine what a good relationship looks like to me. What do I need in terms of support. I’m not sure I know. The superficial things are that I want to be able to have fun with him, to talk with him and to be silent with him comfortably. Check, check, check. I want there to be space between us, we are both people who need alone time so that works out. But how do I be there emotionally for him and how does he be there for me? I’m so used to being on my own that it’s hard to figure that out. I raised my daughter by myself (although my parents played a big part). I lived alone for about 15 years before I moved in with the previous guy. Now I’ve lived alone for 7 more. I’m not used to relying on someone else and I suspect that’s not how relationships like this are supposed to work. I think I’m supposed to rely on him a little.
Any advice for a loner yogi venturing into this new life?


10 Comments on “Relationships

  1. Congratulations and how wonderful to hear this Reena. After spending 23 years with my best friend and favorite wife I offer the following suggestions.
    A day at a time is best; life is about learning and growing. Patience plays a big roll in everything. (you already know that) Be open to discuss anything at anytime. Laugh regularly. Best of fortune to you both.

    • A day at a time is great advice always isn’t it. Thanks so much for commenting. 23 years, wow! Well done!

      • Oddly enough Reena it wasn’t until we spent 7 years together that we decided to get married. However, we both sort of knew nearly from when we first meet in our astrology class that something was up between us.

  2. Good for you my friend. One thing I have realized from my own experiences is that relationships are always a learning experience for all parties and no two experiences are the same. No one partner in a relationship can claim to have a superior experience. It can be different but not superior to the others because each person i asdume brings their best to it. That’s why it all boils down to learning, growing and more learning.

  3. Congratulations Reena!
    When I was getting into a new relationship, my brother/ mentor GD told me: “Don’t forget what the relationship is for. If it’s for pleasure you will always be disappointed. If it’s for growth, learning and evolution, you will always be happy, no matter what the outcome.”
    Enjoy 🙂

  4. Im happy for you Reena 💕
    Perhaps you could share this post with him. It says it all in such a loving caring way 💛

  5. Pingback: Flow with the universe | Yoga With Maheshwari

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