Another week

It’s been 4 weeks since my mom passed away. This week felt harder in some ways. This was the first “normal” week since she passed. The first week back to teaching yoga, working full time, getting back to normal. I stopped by my fathers on Friday morning to drop soup to him. I tried to sneak in because it was early, I was on my way to work, but he was awake anyway. Something about him there on his own, sitting in the living room in his robe brought me to tears. He’s always on his own now. We made plans for our weekly dinners: something we started years ago when I felt guilty leaving my dog home alone to teach yoga after working all day. My parents look after him when I teach on Monday evenings and mom always made dinner. Ready when I arrived at 7:30. So now it’ll just be me and my dad. I’ll prep something for him to finish while I’m teaching. Make sure at least one meal a week tastes ok and has health benefits. 
I’m told nothing will ever feel completely normal again. And I believe that. There will be the new normal, but things are forever changed. And that’s ok. It has to be. From time to time I think how I wish I could call mom to tell her this or that, and I hope that somewhere out there her spirit lives on and she already knows everything I want to tell her. In some ways I lost more faith when mom passed, but it other ways it deepened. Let’s hope when all is said and done that my faith comes out in tact. 
There were some good things this week.  I had a massage that helped an achy shoulder tendon tremendously. I had a good friend give me a mini manicure. She’s been so helpful to me through this and I keep meaning to tell her. I’ve finished all the work I had to catch up on before new law students start back next week at the office. I had a call from the ED where I teach yoga for free telling me my newly hired social worker niece is absolutely lovely. The weather was pretty good for January in Nova Scotia. I was able to move a fundraiser that I wasn’t ready for to a later date. Life carries on.
And as life carries on I will get stronger and eventually I’ll have a week where I don’t cry. 


6 Comments on “Another week

  1. I’m so sorry to hear of your mother’s passing Reena. My mom passed several year’s ago and the biggest thing I missed was our weekly phone calls. Now she is with me in memory, especially when I cook and I wonder what she would think of my kitchen. We didn’t always agree, but I still wonder what she would think about a lot of things. But now those things are little moments that naturally occur in my day and they are kind of nice actually. Don’t rush things. Give it time.

  2. So sorry to know about your mum. It is always terrible to lose any of your parents…hope you and dad get back to normal soon (though it is easy said than done).

  3. I like Thich Nhat Hanh’s story of his grieving after his mother left her body. He was taking a slow walk through a field one day when it came to him that his mother was in every step he took. She lived on in him. And not just his mother but all of his ancestors. Peace, my friend.

  4. It made me sad to read about your dad sitting by himself. When my mum left my dad for another man after 40 years of marriage I remember going around to visit and seeing him sitting alone. It broke my heart but obviously mum had not died, simply left. I pray that healing comes for all of you at some stage during this year, not forgetting but being able to live with the memories in a peaceful and joyous way xx

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