How often do we say “I was really bad” when we eat things we don’t think we should or we take time for ourselves when we could be doing something for another person. We might say it with great joy “Oooh, I was so bad today, it was great!” but oftentimes we say it as a judgement, even if we say it in a lighthearted way.
I think women are especially prone to judging themselves as bad. Early on we’re often taught to be a ‘good girl’ by well-meaning adults who want us to fit the mold of what it is to be a successful person in society. These days, that means slim, put together, behaving in a way that the majority buys into. It’s different for different people, we all grow up differently. So one person’s experience with what is considered bad is likely very different from another, but does anyone escape this message entirely?
When you find yourself judging what might be good or bad, stop and consider what drives that belief. Is it really your belief? Redefining your relationship with good and bad can have an effect not only on your feelings of shame (which could be buried a bit (or a lot)), but it can also free you from a cycle of rebelling against always trying to be ‘good’. That gives you the freedom to make choices from an entirely different mind frame – an adult state that is always looking out for your own best interest rather than feeding the child within.
Why not try this simple exercise and see if it changes your perspective? If you do, let me know. I’d love to hear your experiences with good and bad.