I had a dream last night that an older man had collapsed on the floor of an art gallery and was seizing. Everyone in the room, including me, glanced his way but ignored him, still caught up in the art hanging on the the walls. I was pondering this dream this morning because it was one that felt meaningful.
Yesterday I wrote the title to this post, knowing I wanted to use it (this is often how my posts start) and when I opened up WordPress this morning, I began thinking about what I wanted to say on that subject when the old man came back to me. Life is messy. Sometimes we ignore the mess, just allowing a glance in it’s direction before metaphorically closing off our ears, closing our eyes and singing a little “lalala, I can’t hear you” like children. But the messy bits continue to pop up, demanding our attention.
At the same time that we glimpse these messy bits of our own lives, we are getting glimpses of another way to live, a way that’s very appealing, but different, and maybe that brings up all the what ifs, the fears, the insecurities about our own abilities. So we turn away trying to be content with the middle spot between these two ways of being in the world, looking away from the mess and the potential ahead. We can stay here, but it will likely cause a lot of stress, anxiety, depression or other similar emotional states.
There is another way, though. We can look to those messy bits, to the man seizing on the floor in my example, with full compassion, empathy and love, ensuring healing takes place. And we can look at the potential ahead and instead of playing the ‘what if’ game examine it from all angles with a curious mind and think about what we would need to get there. What resources are required? What tiny steps would we need to take to move in that direction? And as passion builds from looking at it full on, maybe we get to the place where we really do want it – even more than we fear it.
Fear is a good indicator that something is amiss. The hair lifting on the back of our necks alerts us to danger. Our intuitive nature, the animal side we all have within, allows us that ability. But when fear is closing off opportunities that are available to us, we need to question it. Is the fear valid? It is useful? Or is it simply that piece of us saying, ‘hey, we’re alive so that’s good enough – don’t mess with a good thing. And by the way who do you think you are wanting something so big???’
Well, who you are is a spirit who needs continual growth in your life, continual challenge, so that you don’t grow stagnant, and suffer an internal death of sorts. Yes, the container is alive and well, but the spirit is shrivelled and dying. You have this life, this gift, and there is an imperative to fully engage with it, to live as large as you are able, to continue growing and blossoming into an ever more beautiful spirit who gives to the world as much as you are nourished by it. To tell that piece of yourself that is still fearful to get back, you’ve get this. Remind yourself that wanting more is not selfish or greedy, it allows you to give more as you become the absolute best version of yourself.
Want it more than you fear it – it matters – you matter!