Here we are at the end of another year. I’ve been working hard this year building my business, my brand if you will, and learning so much along the way. I’ve met incredible people, learned so much about myself and what I want from life and developed a new vision for my future.
Sometimes it’s been overwhelming. Sometimes it’s been scary as hell. It will be both in the year to come as well. However, it’s also been liberating, exciting and fulfilling. The overwhelm and fear comes from money. Ah money. It seems to make the world go round doesn’t it? And yet, I’ve been reminded that there is always enough. Even in my lowest points financially, emotionally and mentally, I’ve always survived. And I will survive – and thrive – now too. I need to earn a living like everyone else, but I will relax around it more. That’s one of my intentions as we leave 2018. I know a lot of people who set an intention and then wait for things to happen. I’m not that girl! I start pushing things to happen RIGHT NOW. And of course, building a brand (that word doesn’t seem enough for what I intend) takes time. It’s takes trust both from me and in me from those who decide to work with me. It takes confidence that I will find the answers if I don’t have them right now. It takes courage to leave the world of false security and take the giant leap to follow my dharma – that which I know to be my true calling. It takes surrender too. Surrendering to the deeper knowing that everything will happen just as it should. Its the old adage “you can’t push the river”. I will flow. And what is mine will come to me.
I find myself coming back to my spirituality in some ways. I lost so much faith after my mom passed away. It’s been 2 years of slowly finding my way back. My kidney transplant in March was part of the catalyst for coming back. I had a vision one night while I was in the hospital of my Mom and my Aunt visiting me. They were radiant and beautiful and comforting. And they seemed real. I’ve been able to feel that on occasion since that night. Feel them with me. My meditation practice that had wained is also back. I may have gone back to it in a more scientific way (the research shows…) but I feel more than just a calm. It’s more esoteric than that. It’s inexplicable.
There are some very difficult times ahead this year. I have eyes wide open about that as I have a family member who is quite ill. Unlike when my mom passed, this time I am more intentional about my own care. I had a break down of almost everything – mentally, physically and emotionally after Mom died. I need to go on. I need to honour both myself and my family members – all of them – by being the best version of myself. And while being broken had its reasons and its benefits, I can’t be what I need to be if I completely break again. I know that now.
And so, as I move into 2019, I do so with the intention to bring healing and life-force energy into the world. What has broken me through the course of my life is my biggest asset now. I have survived and thrived and I will help others do the same.